Kubacki's in Brasil

Luke, Ben, Josh Pflederer, Chelsea Newton, Kevin Van Hulle and I will begin this week a month-long trip to the western Amazon Basin in Brazil. We will be in the state of Amazonas which is the size of Texas and has but two dirt "highways" on the eastern side of the state. The rest of the state is without roads but with a vast network of rivers. We will seek out our next location of ministry, looking to potentially move in the next two years. Why such a trip? We know little about the western part of this state and little can be gleaned from the internet and from government resources. We need to visit these areas personally and assess the need in various regions for 1) access to the good news of Jesus’ love and grace and, 2) physical needs (health care, clean water, etc) that we may be able to help address. Amazonas, Brazil is divided into municipalities, each of which contains one town or city and a large rural area that relates to it. We will visit 18 municipalities on two principal river systems.

The first two weeks (or so) will be spent visiting the northwest region of the Rio Negro (Negro River), or “Black River” which reportedly has a population about 90% indigenous people. The following two weeks (or so) will be spent visiting the Amazon River (Rio Salimoes) system in the western half of the state.

We will visit each town (18) and likely travel to the interior and try to assess the rural population, as well. Our goal is to be home for Christmas and it will be a challenge. The travel is slow on the rivers (five days to cross the state traveling 24 hrs/day) and this will give us much down time traveling (with hopefully much conversation with the local people) and a hurried time of collecting information when we stop. We will seek out people on the boats as we travel and people in the towns when we stop who can provide information about each region.

I will list the towns at the end of this post so you can check out the regions on Google Earth, if you would like. Google Earth has some pictures and information (though limited) about each place. Some basic statistics of these 18 municipalities are as follows:

Average population: 23,000

Average number of people living below the global poverty index: 54%

Average monthly wage (in U.S. currency) for those in the population that are working: $160.00

We have a notebook for each person traveling on which he/she will answer basic questions about each location, including the following:

What is your perspective on the economy of this region?

How would our families fare here?

What is your perspective on health care in this region?

What is your perspective on the Kingdom here (needs, hunger, opposition, religion)

What is your perspective on the remote population of this region?

What is unique about this region?

What is our Father’s perspective of this region (what is He saying to you?)

What are your personal thoughts and/or feelings about this region?

List your pros and cons as to a mission work in this region

Please pray for us. Where would our Father like to send us? We resist the temptation to look for the “best” location in our eyes, though we will evaluate each as best we can. We don’t want to be strategic; we desire to know where He would like us for the next few years. We don’t want to reach the greatest number of people; we wish to reach the people He wants us to reach. It may be a few or it may be many but we would rather reach a few prepared hearts than many without thirst for the Kingdom. We will need eyes to see His hand, and ears to hear His voice. We will need strength to resist the temptation to be strategic or to look for a place that will be comfortable for us. Please encourage our Father to lead us with a strong hand and to not give us slack. We are trusting His leading. I think our conversations and the decision-making process will be both fun and challenging. Please also pray that we can read our own thoughts well and communicate them humbly and honestly with the rest of the team.

The towns, in the order that we will visit them, are as follows:

São Gabriel da Cachoeira

Santa Isabel do Rio Negro

Barcelos

Tabatinga

Benjamin Constant

Atalaia do Norte

S. Paulo de Olivencia

Amaturá

S. Antonio do Ica

Tonantins

Fonte Boa

Carauari

Itamarati

Eirunepe

Maraá

Urarini

Alvaraes

Tefé

Timely Thoughts:

"The majority of us do not enthrone God, we enthrone common sense. We make our decisions and then ask the real God to bless our god's decision."         Oswald Chambers

We are not called to do something great in the Kingdom.  We are called to abide with the King.

God doesn't need missionaries to accomplish His work to the unreached just as Jesus demonstrated clearly that He doesn't need physicians to heal.  He also doesn't need preachers to communicate truth or to lead someone to Him and He doesn't need us to pray for Him to respond to a crisis.  But He enjoys greatly allowing the people that He loves to participate in what He wants to accomplish.

Do you want to impact a lot of people and be used greatly by God? Pour yourself into a hungry few.

To not make a decision is a decision.

“How will I look back on (this choice) tomorrow (in a week, a year, ten years, a hundred years, etc)?” is a healthy tool in your pursuit of making wise decisions.

Kingdom living is "whatever" living.  "Whatever you wish to do/say to/through me, Jesus..."  "Whatever path (easy or difficult) you wish to put me on, Jesus, in order to create in me greater intimacy with you...”

In decisions and responses, what you think is more important than how you feel.

Today is greatly affected by yesterday and will significantly impact tomorrow.  Focus on today.

Decisions made for short-term benefit will increase long-term liability.  Decisions made for long-term benefit will require short-term cost.

Perhaps the greatest thing to fear is getting what you want and missing what God wants. E. Peterson

Our town of 8-10,000 people, with its surrounding region of 30,000 people, lost four of its six physicians over the course of a month.  The administrators were experiencing a crisis and approached me to persuade me to work for them.  I told them that I was here to help and I would work with them, voluntarily, four hours/day.  In the course of a month, I've seen over 1,000 people, treating and praying for each one.  The medicine has been fascinating as I've seen more pathology than I saw on my river trips, and much of it unique to the Amazon region.  The response has been satisfying as most seem quite grateful that I am helping out.  Many still don't know what to think of a doctor who lays hands on and prays for each person.  Is he praying because he's clueless or because he really believes that God cares about my problem?  But they accept it graciously most of the time.

I believe this is God ordained and an opportunity to leave a lasting impact on especially a few that are working with me.  Hopefully, after watching me work, they will continue their work with a different perspective.  Already, a local dentist (there are two in our town) has approached me and spoken of how challenged he has been in watching me work.  He is a believer in the existence of God but without a relationship with Him (The typical status of most people in this part of the Amazon).  He now wants to travel with me on the rivers and offer dental care to those living remotely.  I will likely also have a superficial impact on many because of all the patient contacts.

When I came to this part of the world, I especially wanted to help out where health care access to physician care was lacking.  Having this opportunity to do just that has been both a challenge and a joy.  I need to seek a balance in this work and the mentoring of young men that I had begun over the past six months.  Please pray for me that I can balance the tasks well that my Father has given me to do, and continue to do each one with love (compassion) for the person as my prime motivator.

Reminders:

The "Good News" is that screwed up people are loved and cherished by a wonderful God.

To worship is to focus one's "eyes" on the object of worship.

Seeds of correction, instruction and discipline planted in soil not fertilized with encouragement will not yield growth.

Opinions are a dime a dozen but correction brought by one willing to contribute to the solution is worth hearing.

Love freely but trust must be earned.

One who doesn't appreciate the value of something cannot be trusted with its care.

Aspire to that which you admire.

In what manner do you love to serve people (work)?  Pursue this as a vocation.

Variety maintains interest.

An abundance of anything can decrease its value, but the value we place on it is our choice.

Money represents someone's (yours, another's) work.

To lead is to know disappointment, misunderstanding, and conflict.

Sticks and stones may break one’s bones but words can wound one’s heart.

Beware of the ear-tickling "health and wealth" teachers/preachers.  They preach to the flesh rather than to the spirit.

I have recently been looking back over the past few years and would like to share some personal thoughts with you over the next few minutes.

When I came to the Amazon on a two week trip in 2003, I was living a life that I would categorize as good, rich, full, challenging, and American-normal (better than American-normal).  When I returned home after that trip, I felt personally challenged to do what God was calling me to do rather than what I thought was "good".  I entered a period of evaluation; of my life, of my relationship with God, of my motives, of who I am, and of what needs in the world exist that I might be able to help address in a small way.  It began 6-12 months of much honest, open conversation with my Father.  I freely admit that I was experiencing what many people my age experience, a mid-life "crisis" of reevaluation.  It has been characterized as an evaluation of one's life and circumstances that prompts change.  It is a search for significance and one that often finds fault with the pursuit of success that typically had characterized the previous stage of one's life.  I experienced a profound desire to order my life based on what my Father wanted me to do rather than what I wanted to do.  It wasn't long before I knew beyond any doubt that He would have me serve Him in a part of the world where daily lives are difficult and where access to both the Good News and to health care are limited.  We moved to Brazil, to the Amazon Basin, in 2006, and joined the work of the Xingu Mission.

It has been almost four challenging (difficult) years of learning a new language, forming new relationships, adjusting to living in a very different culture (where we were clueless!), sweating a lot, and dealing with loneliness, rejection, fatigue, and inadequacy.  But we have seen God use us in so many ways and in so many lives and we can now appreciate clearly (we have often doubted) that He indeed called us to this place at this time.  Though He could have done all of this without us (What a privilege to get to participate!), we have brought experience and wisdom where it was beneficial in a timely way.  We have brought medical help and counsel to many who otherwise may not have had it.  We have introduced a very different philosophy to health care, praying for each person and acknowledging before them that only God can heal or resolve any problem.  We have mentored many hungry people in how to draw closer to their Father in a personal way and in how to see life through Kingdom eyes.  We have taught many of the Vineyard, Kingdom values and emphases that we hold so dear.  Especially over the past six months, our language has developed to a place that we can have intimate, open relationships with local Brasilians.  And we have loved.  We've treated people with value and honor and respect.  We have seen our love and encouragement bless both the missionaries and the Brasilians who have received it.

Some of our help has been rejected; much has been received.  Some has been taken for granted; much has been received with gratitude.  Some have misunderstood our motives; most have received our love genuinely.  Some areas of darkness remain, others now have light.  And everything we did was done with our characteristic human imperfection.

We changed course at a time in our lives when we could have "settled in".  We responded to the challenge to do what God was specifically asking us to do.  We had no idea how it would turn out.  As we look back now, we are so glad that we jumped onto a different path, one yielding eternal fruit and one where we so know our Father's pleasure.  We have experienced riches beyond that which we had experienced previously.  We have learned much about ourselves, the world, people, and the Kingdom.  We have learned the joy of suffering for His sake and we have experienced the pleasure that accompanies Kingdom hardship.

And now we face the exact same challenge.  We are beginning the search for our next step and looking to go more remote.  Tim, Luke and Ben will travel for a month to the western end of the Brazilian Amazon Basin and explore potential relocation to a small town that is almost exclusively indigenous people.  We will be visiting and researching areas that few outsiders have visited.  We want people who have lived remotely for generations to know the good news of God's grace and love, and to have access to some basic health care.  We simply want them to have the opportunity to experience what we have experienced with our Father.  As to where to live and work, we are wrestling with ourselves again as to dying to our own desires, and seeking His.  But this time around it's a bit different.  We now more personally know how we will be cared for as we step into difficult.  We know His faithfulness and His pleasure and this encourages us to seek His will rather than our own.  We know it will be difficult, as He will not send us to the light and He will not send us to a field that already has workers.  But He will care for us, He will guide us, He will use us, and He will grow us.

I am prompted this morning to challenge you to do the same.  Go to your Father and seek His heart for you.  Settle for no less.  But know that He will not lead you to comfort or to material prosperity.  He will likely lead you to difficulty, as He loves sending His lights to darkness and this is never a comfortable journey.  But you will experience satisfaction at a depth unknown previously. You will be forced into an intimacy with Him that you never knew.  You will grow in areas that previously wouldn't grow.  Parts of you will die that you previously couldn't kill.

And for eternity you will be pleased with your decision to forsake this life for the next.

Reminders:

People are too caught up in their own affairs to spend much time dwelling on you.

Seek to free rather than to control.

To love my enemies and those difficult requires trust in God's care for me and in His complete ability to intervene in     any circumstance at any time.

Do you want to learn?  Observe, ask questions.

Repetition is the key to learning information and skills.

The wonder of God's creation is endless for those who will wonder.

In decisions and responses, what you think is more important than how you feel.

Consider the heart of the hearer before speaking.

To compare oneself to another is to compare two movies after viewing one completely and looking at a single frame of the other.

God's directing of your journey and His joy in creating uniquely you is discounted when you compare yourself to another.

We need reminded often of the truths that we already know.

What does a plant seed need to germinate? 

Warmth and moisture.

What does a seed planted in us need to germinate?

A loving environment and encouragement.

What does a young, germinated plant need to grow and bear fruit?

Good soil, light and water.

God provides all three.  All three can be either pleasant or unpleasant in how they arrive.

What does a germinated seed in us need to grow and bear fruit?

Good soil (see below), love and truth (which often arrives in storms).

God provides all three.  All three can be either pleasant or unpleasant in how they arrive.

What creates good soil?  Fertilizer.  And brokenness.

Fertilizer consists of animal waste and dead and decaying plants and animals.

For a planted seed to germinate and grow, it must experience warmth and moisture and be exposed intimately to death, decay, waste and brokenness. 

For planted seeds in us to grow (our Father is always planting), we must experience a loving environment, encouragement, truth and love and be exposed to pain, failure, brokenness and death (our own and that of others).

Fruit is born by those growing in, staying in, and appreciating the value of, truth, love, pain, and brokenness.

The difficulties and the wounds of life (combined with knowing love and having a perspective based on truth) allow us to grow to a place of being of value to others (bearing fruit).

Lack one or more of these and there will be either no germination or no growth.  Living always in the sunshine would be pleasant and sounds desirable but would not produce the growth that creates value in us and allows us to bear fruit.

All people of the Amazon basin, like all people in the U.S., are wounded.  The wounding either pushes people away from God or draws them to Him.  It either causes hardness and perpetual immaturity (stunted growth) or significant, humble growth and wisdom.  We see both here as we see both at home.  One response to being wounded is so sad, creating a cold hardness and superficiality (there is so much of this here).  The other is truly beautiful, creating a warm humility that sees and trusts beyond the pain (only intimacy with Jesus can produce this genuinely).  There is a minority of this here. 

We cannot produce growth but we can be used as fertilizer if we live humbly, sharing our death and brokenness.  The truth of the Kingdom is so lacking in the Amazon Basin.  We are called to love, and in the context of loving, tell the truth about our Father and His Kingdom, the source of all growth.  If you are experiencing difficulties, be encouraged.  Your soil is being prepared to grow your Father's planted seeds and to bear fruit (be used for the benefit of others).

Reminders:

All people, in every culture, are wounded, broken, weak, and afraid.  Some realize it.

People are very much the same anywhere.  They both reflect the beauty of their Creator and manifest the wounds of lives lived independently of Him.

Sticks and stones may break one’s bones but words can wound one’s heart.

Look for the one outcast or wounded. It is there that the soil is likely ready for seed.

Hunger and thirst, disappointment and sadness, weakness and inadequacy, wounding and rejection… are all realities within the Kingdom of God.

I have seen joy in those desperately poor and misery in those with great wealth.

Beware of the ear-tickling "health and wealth" teachers/preachers.  They preach to the flesh rather than to the spirit.

The counsel of one 70 has been tried more than that of one 50, and the counsel of one 50 has been tested more than that of one 30.

To love without receiving love is as unhealthy as receiving love without loving.

To be critical of the behavior of someone who doesn't know God's love is to criticize, from the comforts of civilization, the decisions of one stranded for many years on a deserted island.

God doesn't need missionaries to accomplish His work to the unreached just as Jesus demonstrated clearly that He doesn't need physicians to heal.  He also doesn't need preachers to communicate truth or to lead someone to Him and He doesn't need us to pray for Him to respond to a crisis.  But He enjoys greatly allowing the people that He loves to participate in what He wants to accomplish.

Before giving advice, listen, think and pray.  Flippant, dispassionate advice is too often voiced and most often best held.

Give an opinion if asked for it.  Soil must be ready for the seed to yield life.

I had lengthy conversations this week with two women and left each so encouraged by the depth of their faith in an unseen, beautiful God.  A dear friend of ours, "Adria", has been walking in relationship with God for several years.  She gave birth to twins four months ago after much anticipation and joyful waiting.  She is a planner, and had it all arranged to have a C-Section on a certain date to avoid the risks of a natural twin birth where there is no neonatal care or OB specialists.  If it could go wrong, it did.  She went into labor, her doctor was gone, the attending doctor wanted to do a vaginal delivery against the adamant wishes of both Adria and her husband.  The doctor made the paternal decision to disregard the wishes of the patient.  One twin was born apneic and needed lengthy resuscitation and neonatal care which wasn't available.  Though he seemed to come around after a few days, he developed a significant fever, persistent vomiting, and became inconsolable.  They made repeated trips to the doctor where they were told not to worry, and the baby was treated conservatively.  After consulting with me they traveled to the regional hospital in Altamira (14 hr trip) where after several very long and difficult days, he died.

Adria shared with me her anger at both man (the doctors) and God, her confusion, and her struggle to see God's hand in this.  She shared her journey over the past months and how she often went to God and poured out her heart to Him.  She told of multiple experiences of feeling comforted and how she learned to trust God's purposes and heart instead of her understanding.  She said that she is at a place of depth and intimacy in her relationship with God that she had never experienced previously.  Because both she and her husband wrestled through this difficulty together, they are at a place of intimacy in their relationship that they have never known.  Listening to her was so encouraging because of how she responded to her pain by running to her Father.  She admitted that she did this so imperfectly but the reward of running to Him over and over is now obvious by the fruit within her.  What a testimony of the faithfulness of God and the rewards of pursuing Him rather than understanding. 

I also met "Maria", whose 14 year old daughter became pregnant 9 years ago.  In the last trimester, she developed seizures and went into a coma for eight days.  The baby died and when she came out of the coma, she was extremely debilitated.  This obviously beautiful girl was nonverbal, completely lacked the ability to understand, lost virtually all coordination, and became symptomatically like an adult with extreme cerebral palsy.  This woman asked me over to her house to inquire as to whether there was any hope for improvement.  She has cared for her adult, completely dependent, often irritable and sometimes violent daughter for nine years.  She was also a believer prior to this event and shared her struggle to make sense of it all.  Her trust in God's love and care were clear in her conversation and she shared how her dependence on Him had grown through the many moments of fatigue and frustration and how He has been so faithful to care for her through it all, filling her so that she could give and give to her daughter while receiving no earthly reward.  She said she has seen God provide countless times throughout the ordeal, though He has not brought healing.  As I meditate on these conversations, I learn several things from these women who live in shacks on the equator, with no steady income but with riches beyond what most realize.

It takes willing eyes to see God's provision in painful circumstances.  After talking to them, I so desire their eyes.

God takes special pleasure in taking things ugly and broken and creating from them something beautiful.  How I want to remember their hearts and their example when I am experiencing pain.  After knowing them, I will.

Through them, I see that a thankful heart is always possible and that a broken heart does not require extravagance to be grateful, like a hungry person does not require an extravagant meal to be satisfied.  They both struggled, cried, and doubted, but continued to go to their Father through it all.  A thankful heart remains in both of them, with a depth that is so powerful and God-honoring.  How I desire more of such a heart.

Further Thoughts:

To selflessly care for one suffering is equally as beautiful as it is to suffer well.

A thankful heart is deeply healing.

Comfort and leisure are more dangerous to your health than difficulty and affliction.

Love and affliction both change one's soil, so that planted seeds can grow.

Those who are hungry do not desire extravagant meals and do not criticize the quality of their food.

Every person, thing and circumstance has within it and about it both good and bad, both beautiful and ugly, both strength and weakness.  We choose, however, on which we allow our eyes, ears and hearts to focus.

God takes special pleasure in bringing life to that which is dead, light to darkness, beauty to that which is broken, freedom to one held captive, and joy to those oppressed.

Nothing's shape or character can be transformed without the current shape or character first being broken.

This morning I was visited by a family from the interior.  A man had been having a cough, fever and difficulty breathing for two weeks, a woman had an infected wound on her very swollen, hot foot for about two weeks, and a 16 year old boy had been unable to use his left hand for about two years.  These would be pretty typical consults on any given day at my house when I'm not traveling.  What made this family remarkable, however, was that they lived in a particularly remote area, the man was 97 years old and the boy had been completely normal prior to an illness two years ago and now was very mentally delayed and had significant right arm weakness and wasting. 

The older man was very bright, had an obvious love for God, and was quite ill.  He said that he hadn't been able to lie down for the entire duration of the illness, he had only recently stopped having fever and chills and he became short of breath quite easily.  His daughter (the boy's mother), had a significant foot infection which was moving to her waist.  The son had a left hand almost paralyzed with significant weakness in his entire arm.  He was very slow to respond in conversation but seemed to understand me.  His story was one that is somewhat common in the interior here.  He was healthy and bright and picked up an illness with a significant fever.  Fever does not typically cause a family to take a trip to the city.  After several days of illness, they noticed the weakness and the mental changes.  He has not shown any recovery of function in the two years since.

I don't meet many 97 year olds who have lived in the jungle all their life.  I do see many infections, and these three represent rather common infections in the remote people of this region.  The man had pneumonia, the woman had cellulits, and the boy was suffering from the sequelae of meningitis.  Last week I also consulted with a young lawyer (35-40) in town who was battling the acute effects of Chagas disease, a potentially awful parasitic disease transmitted by the "kissing bug" of this region.  He likely picked it up while recently visiting his family in the interior.  I see people with leprosy (easily treated), tuberculosis, (nonresistent), much dysentery (both infectious and parasitic), dengue fever and malaria, as well as other more minor infectious illnesses.  The swine flu has also been through the Amazon region, based on what I've seen.

Sometimes these cases make for interesting medicine for a doc from the U.S.  So many respond well to treatment and it's nice to be able to be a tool in the master carpenter's hand.  I explain to each person that a doctor cures a person in the same way that a hammer builds a house.  How silly for the hammer to think that it is the primary builder.  I'm so glad that THE carpenter enjoys using tools to accomplish His tasks, allowing me to participate in His work.  It's sad to hear of Christians who think that faith is only exhibited in healing that occurs without using medications (or doctors).  Christians get pretty weird when it comes to healing.  They say faith will move mountains and will heal but I have yet to see one travel "by faith", build a house "by faith", make dinner "by faith".  Why not accept the fact that God LOVES using people (tools) to do His work?  Some of these faith teachers are like some doctors I know who are like the ass (yes, doctors can be asses; I've known more than a few!) in the following story. John Wimber told of the donkey that carried Jesus into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday.  Though he initially saw himself as only a donkey being used to carry a man, after several minutes of cheering and adulation, his perspective began to change and he began to think rather highly of himself.  Instead of having a sense of appreciation for the privilege of being used, and of gratitude to the One who chose to use him, he put himself where only God should be, in a position to receive praise.  To live apart from humility before God is to be so deceived.  Many preachers, doctors, and others will be so surprised one day when they see the true measure of their contribution, and when they meet the only One worthy of praise. 

To be an instrument (or an ass) well used by the Master, when He desires, how He desires, and where He desires, is our great privilege.  

My kids showed me an incredible drama on You Tube.  Please go to this link for a five minute video/drama about our Father's passionate heart for broken, screwed up people.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA 

Further Thoughts:

People who live many hours from any medical help break bones and have asthma, headaches, meningitis, diarrhea, lacerations, strokes...

Jesus didn't call us to be good people, He called us to Himself.

In every circumstance and in every encounter, there is more going on than we perceive.

Desire is like a knife.  It can be sharp or dull, strong or weak, large or small and can be used for either constructive or destructive purposes.

Pain and loss are difficult for anyone to endure and require time from which to recover.

Don't make decisions of any significance when you are tired.

To have a good sense of humor is to smile easily, not to be able to make people laugh.

For every personal strength, there is a corresponding weakness.  For every personal weakness, there is a corresponding strength.

To dwell on what you lack is to not appreciate the much that you have.

You've been called to do what you can do, not to do what you can't do.  The ear has been called to hear but it has not been called to smell or run.  Focus on that which you can do, and do it well.

With decisions, the choice is often between inner peace, accompanied by outer conflict, and outer peace, accompanied by inner conflict.

An excellent metaphor for life is that of a journey.  To remember that a difficult uphill climb will always be followed by a downhill grade offers hope. To remember that an easier, downhill stretch will most certainly be followed by a tough climb keeps one humble.

We returned last night from a trip to the beautiful Arraiolas (Ahaeeolus) river, which runs north/south emptying into the north side of the Amazon River east of Almerim, about six hours from Porto de Moz.   As we turned onto this river, it was like we entered parakeet paradise.  There were thousands upon thousands of these beautiful, small birds and not one moment passed over the several hours of travel on this river when I didn't hear their harsh, animated cries.  Of course, we brought several home that were sold at the houses that we visited (for $1.50 each).  The river was small, about 100-200 meters across most of the way, and the mosquitoes were pretty thick.  All of the Brasilians used nets (which they typically see as a sign of weakness!).  We visited several villages which were quite poor and located 4-6 hrs from the closest city, Almerim, which is the size of Porto de Moz (8-10,000).  The people greatly appreciated the delivered filters and received them with enthusiasm. A passionate advocate from Porto de Moz, "Taco" has traveled to these villages extensively and had the people well prepared to receive the filters and to appreciate the value that they would bring to their lives.  What a difference a passionate advocate makes!  I was personally challenged in that as an advocate for the Kingdom, how passionate am I?  We will likely return to this area several times.  We saw many people medically, well over 100/day, and these folks seemed grateful for both my medical care and for my laying hands on them and praying, asking Jesus to resolve their problem, to draw them closer to Him and to remind them of His love for them.  There were frank conversations of what it means to walk with Jesus and several people showed obvious hunger for the Kingdom.  It was more people than I typically see (about twice as many) and I ran out of reading glasses and several key medications.  They received this, however, with remarkable tolerance, without exception.

We had devotion time each morning with the eight workers on our team and the engagement in these guys and their hunger for God is beautiful to behold.  The various guys come on these trips at different stages in their life journey.  Some have walked intimately with Jesus for several years and some have never heard of a personal relationship with a loving God.  One former gang member that has now come on several trips asked this week how he could accept Jesus and become His.  The hunger in these guys is in frank contrast to the marked indifference toward relationship with God that exists in the culture otherwise.  On the return trip home, for example, in the dark, I went up to the top of the boat to enjoy the stars and some solitude.  Five of the guys who spent the week delivering filters were sitting next to a boom box, with the volume cranked playing vineyard worship music, with eyes closed, some with hands raised, and all belting the lyrics out into the night.  The spirit of worship was so very sweet and I laid down on the roof and watched, listened, and joined in, descending an hour later quite encouraged from seeing their uninhibited hunger to worship and to draw close to their "Pai Pai".

Indifference, nonchalance, and matter of fact-ness, are what we typically see in this culture (like in the States) when we speak of God and His passion and affection for people.  Here God is perceived as distant, He is believed in, He is accepted as real, but He is really not something to spend too much time dwelling on (unless you're an especially "deep", a "religious" person, or in church).  God here is religion, not relationship, and the general attitude regarding God (and religion) is one of indifference.  This reminds me that our relationship with God isn't much different than any other relationship.  Any relationship is dead when one or both parties becomes indifferent toward the other.  Think of all the marriages you know (the majority) where the prevailing attitude of one toward the other is one of nonchalance.  The relationship becomes quite superficial and a partnership at best.  What is so sad in these marriages is that the ability to build up and deeply encourage one another is lost.  How we are encouraged deeply when someone shows passionate interest in us, and the exact opposite is true with indifference.

Indifference is worse than hate and certainly worse than love.  Both hate and love communicate that a person has enough value to elicit a response.  Indifference communicates that the person has no value and is not worthy of response or effort.  It is why, in many ways child neglect can be worse than child abuse.  Both are undesirable and leave wounds that to heal require extensive love and therapy.  Many feel good that they don't hate God or hate others but these same people wound far more with their indifference than they ever would with hate.  We look back at the KKK in disgust and yet our indifference toward those living in different cultures and in different belief systems is as ugly.  Those who passed by the wounded man in the story of the Good Samaritan did not hate him and yet Jesus made a point about them more than about those who assaulted him.

Jesus uses the term "lukewarm" to describe indifference.  He says it makes Him want to vomit.  I completely understand this sentiment as I discuss with people the profoundness of His love for them and the remarkable, undeserved grace that is theirs from the God who could wipe out the world with a thought and who made all there is, in all its wondrous complexity.  So often conversation about such wonders is responded to with a yawn or a statement about something as profound as the mosquitoes, the rain, the water level on the rivers, or the latest soccer game.  There is such a general lack of interest in spiritual things, in things unseen, in God himself, unless there is a perceived immediate reward for doing so ( a genie-type syndrome, popular in both the faith movement and the Catholic church here -- "Do this and you will receive...").

What we are passionate about (the opposite of indifference) shows.  If you are not passionate for your spouse, believe me they know.  You will suck the life from them if they are not indifferent toward you.  If you are not passionate about your kids, they will miss the opportunity to grow up knowing they have a particular value to someone; that they are not just one of millions.  If you are indifferent toward God, all the good works in the world will not make up for this and you will certainly miss many of the blessings of the Kingdom, those that require our hunger and passion for God, for truth, for love.

The essence of indifference is self focus and people with self focus will drain life from all who know them, though this is usually pretty well disguised.  We must choose well about what (or who) we will be passionate and toward what (or who) we will be indifferent.  Though I thought otherwise in my youth, it IS a choice, and not a feeling.  I am challenged again this morning to reconsider my choices.  Please reconsider with me.  Don't be like the majority, indifferent about everything except themselves.  Choose to have your spouse matter.  Give them your time and attention.  Affirm and reaffirm his/her value to you.  Choose to have your kids matter.  Give them your time and attention.  Laugh with them, affirm and reaffirm your love for them.  Choose to have your relationship with God matter.  Meet with Him, share your heart with Him, listen for His counsel, follow hard after Him. 

And because those indifferent toward God can die, as we have, and become new, we will continue to preach the truth of our Father's incredible grace and we will continue to love those who don't appreciate it.

Random Thoughts

They matter to us if we spend individual time with them, if we listen to them, if we serve them.

He who respects will be respected.

In this world you will see little just and fair, therefore be just and fair.

Worship is not singing.  It is a pleasure, however, to admire, appreciate, and surrender to, God (worship) in song.

The way of the Kingdom is usually opposite of the desires of our flesh and the way of the world.

To gain experience is to experience failure. Experiencing failure provides opportunity to gain valuable experience.

Many think that knowledge equals expertise.  True expertise cannot, however, be gained without much practice and experience, over much time.

To love is to experience pain, rejection, disappointment, misunderstanding, and vulnerability.  Love still, for life without loving is worse than any of these.

Those things most significant in this life are unseen (Love, hate, peace, joy, despair, desire, hope, trust, faith, etc).  "See" these!

The world unseen is at war.  One who seeks peace, joy, faith, and love steps into this unseen, yet very real, conflict.

To neglect the unseen in this life is to walk through a rose garden blindfolded.  You are able to still appreciate aroma, texture, etc, but you are unable to appreciate that part of the garden most beautiful.

Every person, thing and circumstance has within it and about it both good and bad, both beautiful and ugly, both strength and weakness.  We choose that on which we allow our eyes, ears and hearts to focus.

To do good things is not "Christian".  To live in intimate relationship with Jesus is "Christian".

Why do preachers need to shout and carry on so when they speak about the Kingdom? When did Jesus do that?

Compassion is a trademark of the heart of Jesus. In the descriptions of what motivated Him to act, this word is often used. He looked with compassion on the people of Jerusalem, seeing them as sheep without a shepherd. Even when this lack of a shepherd was by choice (they continually rejected God’s advances), He looked at them through eyes not of criticism, frustration, or condemnation, but of compassion. This is remarkable. He even knew what they would soon do to Him, and yet He was filled with compassion.

Comparing this heart to the one in me is quite an exercise. I often tire of needy people and become critical of their actions or motives. I desire to be motivated by love and compassion, but find this quality lacking in me. It is an area in which I am not Jesus-like. I am realizing again that in me dwells no good thing (it all depends on your standard). In this culture I can be quite stretched. I was often stretched in my career at home but more work typically meant more money (reward) and this made it tolerable. Here the needs are great and the demands for help even greater, and tangible reward is notably lacking. It’s so often clear that my compassion is lacking more than I would like to think. I get tired and irritable and I look for ways to escape. Every now and then I glimpse in me what may be a hint of compassion but then the inner battle resumes as to who is in control and where will I draw lines as to how much of me I will give.

The Bible talks about becoming a slave or servant, characterized as such by not having rights. I inwardly fight this, not wanting to relinquish my right to “my” time and how I spend “my” energy and resources. I like to serve when I choose, according to my schedule. Living in a third world setting really highlights these competing desires in me; to serve selflessly or to hold on to what is “mine” (serve selfishly). I get plenty of opportunities to serve, and how I serve is up to me. I can work to get the job done so I can do what I want to do or I can serve so that I’ll feel better about myself. Or I can look through eyes of compassion, placing the interests and well-being of each person above my own, laying down my rights to me and my time. I face this choice so many times each day. I suppose I am writing because I see myself currently as mostly losing the battle.

As you read this, please pray for me; that I will continue to fight, that I will continue to look to Jesus and not to myself for my source of strength and joy, and that I will keep pressing on to serve with compassion.

Random Reminders:

He who is faithful in little things will be given more.

In the work place, honesty, integrity, hard work, and good people skills will always have more value than ability, education, and experience.

Illness is no more of the devil than a hurricane or a physician's error.  The real question is, "Do I trust God?" (Who is all-powerful and good, cherishing all involved, and who could have altered the circumstance, yet chose not to).

To murder is wrong.  To shoot someone in the back is to shoot one defenseless, and is worse.  To slander (speak ill of one not present) is the same.

He can be trusted who knows that he will one day stand before God.

Our choices affect our health and well-being far more than do other people.

Many who are in want choose to be.

God loves allowing people to participate in His works of love, healing, rescue, teaching, encouraging, listening... 

The participation of the hand in a task created by, chosen by, and guided by, the Head, in no way indicates that the Head didn't create, choose and guide the work.

No storm continues forever and the most severe are usually the shortest.

Why does physical healing need to be miraculous (in our perception) for God to receive glory and gratitude?

Each and every breath is a gift that, before our birth, we didn't request or earn.

You see a life "cut short" as a travesty, but when was the last time that you thanked the Giver of life for this single, additional, given day?

Regarding God, seeking to understand Him and His ways completely is like seeking the end of a rainbow.  The closer you think you are, the less you see.

I cannot rely on human response for satisfaction.  The praise of men is like chocolate.  It feels good for a short time but has little nutritional value.  Often in both, the "low" that follows the "high" is remarkable.  How many times until I learn this lesson (with both chocolate and with people) once and for all?

As a missionary, I chase after this praise and feed on it at times to a repeating pattern.  The praise is issued from people at home, from people on the rivers, or from fellow workers.  I feel pretty good about myself and begin to walk independently of my Father, only to end up feeling quite lonely days or weeks later because I've forsaken the only source of real joy, my Father's pleasure.

The same weakness in me makes it difficult to say, "no".  Difficulty in saying "no" is rooted in not wanting to disappoint, and this is rooted in wanting to be liked or praised.  Never disappointing man is impossible and to seek after this is the same as seeking man's praise, resulting in lonely separation from our Father.

So I need boundaries.  I need to say, "no" at the risk of disappointing.  I need to draw lines, create fences, that will limit intake and output.  My resources are limited.   My resources are limited!  Oh how I need to remember this.  If I empty one account of resources and continue to draw from that account to give in that area, my resources (energy, love, devotion) will be drawn from another account.  In other words, another area of my life will suffer because I am too weak (or afraid) to admit that my accounts are limited and that I need to say "no" to further withdrawals.   I can be like many today in the American culture, believing foolishly that if I overspend today, there will be no consequences tomorrow.  Boundaries are protective, wise, and needed.

I need to remember that my boundaries are my responsibility.  Others are preoccupied with their own lives and are not concerned with my boundaries.  So often I get frustrated at the fifth or sixth person to come to my gate in a morning.  But they have no idea what I am occupied with.  From their perspective, they are one person seeking a little time and a little help.  When I live without boundaries, I continue to pour out of an empty bucket, sucking dry another bucket (love for my family, for example), and I become less useful in many areas because I overspent in one.  I'm learning again that lack of boundaries will steal my joy, kill my passion, and leave me without love to give, especially to those that mean the most to me.

I have been too available and said, "no" too infrequently in these last few months and am learning again the valuable lesson of having healthy boundaries.  I have decided to, for the most part, say, "no" to helping people medically who live in town.  I have been seeing between ten and thirty people each day out of our home.  There are doctors here and, though each of my encounters involves ministry (praying for each person and discussing with each Jesus' love for them), if I don't say "no" to this part of my current ministry, I won't finish the race.  When I used to run marathons, I always preferred to run a bit slower and finish the race rather than push too hard too early, increasing the risk of not finishing.  I have the same sense here.  I am more useful out on the rivers from both a medical and a ministry perspective and when I am home, I need to see to my relationships with my kids and Bets.  I can also have more time to mentor the young men in our church, which will bear more long-term fruit than medical consults.  I am currently mentoring about ten men and enjoying this thoroughly.  I don't want to take any resources from this account to deal with medical concerns within the city.

Boundaries.  Time and limited resources (humanness) make them necessary.  What areas need reexamined in your life today from the perspective of having healthy boundaries?  Let's together take another look at our vision (our calling, our purpose) and see if we are devoting our primary time and energy to this, or is the lack of boundaries causing us to have little left to devote to what is most important to us?

Random Reminders:

In this world you will see and receive little grace (unearned favor), therefore extend grace.

Most of us would never think of building a boat and journeying to Brazil without instructions or experience, yet early in adolescence, marriage, and parenting we begin journeys infinitely more complex and yet think that we need neither instruction nor experience to journey well.

One who is humble is always learning.  One who is proud never grows.

Today is greatly affected by yesterday and will significantly impact tomorrow.  Focus on today.

Wherever you are, be all there.        Dennis Stranges

The things of this world (success, esteem, security, pleasure, etc) are quite enticing and seek our heart. To seek them is to search for a purported great treasure that, when found, is a beautiful, empty chest.

One who follows “the crowd” loses his identity.

Our character is revealed not in how we feel about something, but rather in how we respond.

A kind word brings light and warmth to one whose day may be dark and cold.

Those who know God desperately want to know Him.

Conflict is not unhealthy.  Your response to it may be.

We just returned from a week on the rivers with a team from Grant's Pass, Oregon.  This team came with one primary motive: to show the people living on the rivers that they are loved and valued in their hearts and in the heart of their Father.

I have not encountered yet a team that came so prepared to serve.  Their leader, Midge, has been coming yearly to this region for 15 years and her passion for these people was demonstrated not only in her enthusiastic presence but also in her and her team's remarkable preparation.  Her church collects items to bring (eyeglasses, clothes, medicine, toys, etc) throughout the year and their many crates were organized and labeled for easy access.  At each village that we visited, while I did a medical clinic with a great deal of support and help praying for each person, the team "worked" and played with the kids. These kids just loved it.  What memories were created!  This team poured themselves into every activity and every moment.  They passionately worshipped,  passionately played, passionately taught, passionately served, passionately encouraged, and passionately demonstrated love.  I'm reminded through these guys that work done with excellence and passion is so honoring to the one being served.  Whether we are a doctor, nurse, pastor, receptionist, laborer, etc, God can use us greatly to love and honor people by the manner in which we work.

This team's passion for Jesus and for blessing Him through blessing others greatly encouraged me.  At times I question the value of what I'm doing here and after spending a week with these guys, I more clearly see the value in serving these people living in the interior.  At least three members of this team are considering full-time missionary work overseas.  It's always uplifting  and encouraging to converse with others who are walking a similar path to what I've walked.  The same questions, insecurities, joys, and challenges.  I'm reminded that I'm not the only fool around!

I was at a place of discouragement and maybe depression when this team arrived.  Perhaps, I was a little worn out.  This can be difficult work in a difficult, wearing environment and the fruit of our labor is often not immediately apparent.  Our good friends are on furlough, it is very hot, I've been away from home a lot, etc, etc.  As this team leaves, however, I find myself at a different place on that deeper, motivational level.  I'm grateful for the change, grateful for a lighter burden on the inside, and grateful to my Father that He knows where I am and walks with me through it all.