We returned last night from a trip to the beautiful Arraiolas (Ahaeeolus) river, which runs north/south emptying into the north side of the Amazon River east of Almerim, about six hours from Porto de Moz.   As we turned onto this river, it was like we entered parakeet paradise.  There were thousands upon thousands of these beautiful, small birds and not one moment passed over the several hours of travel on this river when I didn't hear their harsh, animated cries.  Of course, we brought several home that were sold at the houses that we visited (for $1.50 each).  The river was small, about 100-200 meters across most of the way, and the mosquitoes were pretty thick.  All of the Brasilians used nets (which they typically see as a sign of weakness!).  We visited several villages which were quite poor and located 4-6 hrs from the closest city, Almerim, which is the size of Porto de Moz (8-10,000).  The people greatly appreciated the delivered filters and received them with enthusiasm. A passionate advocate from Porto de Moz, "Taco" has traveled to these villages extensively and had the people well prepared to receive the filters and to appreciate the value that they would bring to their lives.  What a difference a passionate advocate makes!  I was personally challenged in that as an advocate for the Kingdom, how passionate am I?  We will likely return to this area several times.  We saw many people medically, well over 100/day, and these folks seemed grateful for both my medical care and for my laying hands on them and praying, asking Jesus to resolve their problem, to draw them closer to Him and to remind them of His love for them.  There were frank conversations of what it means to walk with Jesus and several people showed obvious hunger for the Kingdom.  It was more people than I typically see (about twice as many) and I ran out of reading glasses and several key medications.  They received this, however, with remarkable tolerance, without exception.

We had devotion time each morning with the eight workers on our team and the engagement in these guys and their hunger for God is beautiful to behold.  The various guys come on these trips at different stages in their life journey.  Some have walked intimately with Jesus for several years and some have never heard of a personal relationship with a loving God.  One former gang member that has now come on several trips asked this week how he could accept Jesus and become His.  The hunger in these guys is in frank contrast to the marked indifference toward relationship with God that exists in the culture otherwise.  On the return trip home, for example, in the dark, I went up to the top of the boat to enjoy the stars and some solitude.  Five of the guys who spent the week delivering filters were sitting next to a boom box, with the volume cranked playing vineyard worship music, with eyes closed, some with hands raised, and all belting the lyrics out into the night.  The spirit of worship was so very sweet and I laid down on the roof and watched, listened, and joined in, descending an hour later quite encouraged from seeing their uninhibited hunger to worship and to draw close to their "Pai Pai".

Indifference, nonchalance, and matter of fact-ness, are what we typically see in this culture (like in the States) when we speak of God and His passion and affection for people.  Here God is perceived as distant, He is believed in, He is accepted as real, but He is really not something to spend too much time dwelling on (unless you're an especially "deep", a "religious" person, or in church).  God here is religion, not relationship, and the general attitude regarding God (and religion) is one of indifference.  This reminds me that our relationship with God isn't much different than any other relationship.  Any relationship is dead when one or both parties becomes indifferent toward the other.  Think of all the marriages you know (the majority) where the prevailing attitude of one toward the other is one of nonchalance.  The relationship becomes quite superficial and a partnership at best.  What is so sad in these marriages is that the ability to build up and deeply encourage one another is lost.  How we are encouraged deeply when someone shows passionate interest in us, and the exact opposite is true with indifference.

Indifference is worse than hate and certainly worse than love.  Both hate and love communicate that a person has enough value to elicit a response.  Indifference communicates that the person has no value and is not worthy of response or effort.  It is why, in many ways child neglect can be worse than child abuse.  Both are undesirable and leave wounds that to heal require extensive love and therapy.  Many feel good that they don't hate God or hate others but these same people wound far more with their indifference than they ever would with hate.  We look back at the KKK in disgust and yet our indifference toward those living in different cultures and in different belief systems is as ugly.  Those who passed by the wounded man in the story of the Good Samaritan did not hate him and yet Jesus made a point about them more than about those who assaulted him.

Jesus uses the term "lukewarm" to describe indifference.  He says it makes Him want to vomit.  I completely understand this sentiment as I discuss with people the profoundness of His love for them and the remarkable, undeserved grace that is theirs from the God who could wipe out the world with a thought and who made all there is, in all its wondrous complexity.  So often conversation about such wonders is responded to with a yawn or a statement about something as profound as the mosquitoes, the rain, the water level on the rivers, or the latest soccer game.  There is such a general lack of interest in spiritual things, in things unseen, in God himself, unless there is a perceived immediate reward for doing so ( a genie-type syndrome, popular in both the faith movement and the Catholic church here -- "Do this and you will receive...").

What we are passionate about (the opposite of indifference) shows.  If you are not passionate for your spouse, believe me they know.  You will suck the life from them if they are not indifferent toward you.  If you are not passionate about your kids, they will miss the opportunity to grow up knowing they have a particular value to someone; that they are not just one of millions.  If you are indifferent toward God, all the good works in the world will not make up for this and you will certainly miss many of the blessings of the Kingdom, those that require our hunger and passion for God, for truth, for love.

The essence of indifference is self focus and people with self focus will drain life from all who know them, though this is usually pretty well disguised.  We must choose well about what (or who) we will be passionate and toward what (or who) we will be indifferent.  Though I thought otherwise in my youth, it IS a choice, and not a feeling.  I am challenged again this morning to reconsider my choices.  Please reconsider with me.  Don't be like the majority, indifferent about everything except themselves.  Choose to have your spouse matter.  Give them your time and attention.  Affirm and reaffirm his/her value to you.  Choose to have your kids matter.  Give them your time and attention.  Laugh with them, affirm and reaffirm your love for them.  Choose to have your relationship with God matter.  Meet with Him, share your heart with Him, listen for His counsel, follow hard after Him. 

And because those indifferent toward God can die, as we have, and become new, we will continue to preach the truth of our Father's incredible grace and we will continue to love those who don't appreciate it.

Random Thoughts

They matter to us if we spend individual time with them, if we listen to them, if we serve them.

He who respects will be respected.

In this world you will see little just and fair, therefore be just and fair.

Worship is not singing.  It is a pleasure, however, to admire, appreciate, and surrender to, God (worship) in song.

The way of the Kingdom is usually opposite of the desires of our flesh and the way of the world.

To gain experience is to experience failure. Experiencing failure provides opportunity to gain valuable experience.

Many think that knowledge equals expertise.  True expertise cannot, however, be gained without much practice and experience, over much time.

To love is to experience pain, rejection, disappointment, misunderstanding, and vulnerability.  Love still, for life without loving is worse than any of these.

Those things most significant in this life are unseen (Love, hate, peace, joy, despair, desire, hope, trust, faith, etc).  "See" these!

The world unseen is at war.  One who seeks peace, joy, faith, and love steps into this unseen, yet very real, conflict.

To neglect the unseen in this life is to walk through a rose garden blindfolded.  You are able to still appreciate aroma, texture, etc, but you are unable to appreciate that part of the garden most beautiful.

Every person, thing and circumstance has within it and about it both good and bad, both beautiful and ugly, both strength and weakness.  We choose that on which we allow our eyes, ears and hearts to focus.

To do good things is not "Christian".  To live in intimate relationship with Jesus is "Christian".

Why do preachers need to shout and carry on so when they speak about the Kingdom? When did Jesus do that?

Compassion is a trademark of the heart of Jesus. In the descriptions of what motivated Him to act, this word is often used. He looked with compassion on the people of Jerusalem, seeing them as sheep without a shepherd. Even when this lack of a shepherd was by choice (they continually rejected God’s advances), He looked at them through eyes not of criticism, frustration, or condemnation, but of compassion. This is remarkable. He even knew what they would soon do to Him, and yet He was filled with compassion.

Comparing this heart to the one in me is quite an exercise. I often tire of needy people and become critical of their actions or motives. I desire to be motivated by love and compassion, but find this quality lacking in me. It is an area in which I am not Jesus-like. I am realizing again that in me dwells no good thing (it all depends on your standard). In this culture I can be quite stretched. I was often stretched in my career at home but more work typically meant more money (reward) and this made it tolerable. Here the needs are great and the demands for help even greater, and tangible reward is notably lacking. It’s so often clear that my compassion is lacking more than I would like to think. I get tired and irritable and I look for ways to escape. Every now and then I glimpse in me what may be a hint of compassion but then the inner battle resumes as to who is in control and where will I draw lines as to how much of me I will give.

The Bible talks about becoming a slave or servant, characterized as such by not having rights. I inwardly fight this, not wanting to relinquish my right to “my” time and how I spend “my” energy and resources. I like to serve when I choose, according to my schedule. Living in a third world setting really highlights these competing desires in me; to serve selflessly or to hold on to what is “mine” (serve selfishly). I get plenty of opportunities to serve, and how I serve is up to me. I can work to get the job done so I can do what I want to do or I can serve so that I’ll feel better about myself. Or I can look through eyes of compassion, placing the interests and well-being of each person above my own, laying down my rights to me and my time. I face this choice so many times each day. I suppose I am writing because I see myself currently as mostly losing the battle.

As you read this, please pray for me; that I will continue to fight, that I will continue to look to Jesus and not to myself for my source of strength and joy, and that I will keep pressing on to serve with compassion.

Random Reminders:

He who is faithful in little things will be given more.

In the work place, honesty, integrity, hard work, and good people skills will always have more value than ability, education, and experience.

Illness is no more of the devil than a hurricane or a physician's error.  The real question is, "Do I trust God?" (Who is all-powerful and good, cherishing all involved, and who could have altered the circumstance, yet chose not to).

To murder is wrong.  To shoot someone in the back is to shoot one defenseless, and is worse.  To slander (speak ill of one not present) is the same.

He can be trusted who knows that he will one day stand before God.

Our choices affect our health and well-being far more than do other people.

Many who are in want choose to be.

God loves allowing people to participate in His works of love, healing, rescue, teaching, encouraging, listening... 

The participation of the hand in a task created by, chosen by, and guided by, the Head, in no way indicates that the Head didn't create, choose and guide the work.

No storm continues forever and the most severe are usually the shortest.

Why does physical healing need to be miraculous (in our perception) for God to receive glory and gratitude?

Each and every breath is a gift that, before our birth, we didn't request or earn.

You see a life "cut short" as a travesty, but when was the last time that you thanked the Giver of life for this single, additional, given day?

Regarding God, seeking to understand Him and His ways completely is like seeking the end of a rainbow.  The closer you think you are, the less you see.

I cannot rely on human response for satisfaction.  The praise of men is like chocolate.  It feels good for a short time but has little nutritional value.  Often in both, the "low" that follows the "high" is remarkable.  How many times until I learn this lesson (with both chocolate and with people) once and for all?

As a missionary, I chase after this praise and feed on it at times to a repeating pattern.  The praise is issued from people at home, from people on the rivers, or from fellow workers.  I feel pretty good about myself and begin to walk independently of my Father, only to end up feeling quite lonely days or weeks later because I've forsaken the only source of real joy, my Father's pleasure.

The same weakness in me makes it difficult to say, "no".  Difficulty in saying "no" is rooted in not wanting to disappoint, and this is rooted in wanting to be liked or praised.  Never disappointing man is impossible and to seek after this is the same as seeking man's praise, resulting in lonely separation from our Father.

So I need boundaries.  I need to say, "no" at the risk of disappointing.  I need to draw lines, create fences, that will limit intake and output.  My resources are limited.   My resources are limited!  Oh how I need to remember this.  If I empty one account of resources and continue to draw from that account to give in that area, my resources (energy, love, devotion) will be drawn from another account.  In other words, another area of my life will suffer because I am too weak (or afraid) to admit that my accounts are limited and that I need to say "no" to further withdrawals.   I can be like many today in the American culture, believing foolishly that if I overspend today, there will be no consequences tomorrow.  Boundaries are protective, wise, and needed.

I need to remember that my boundaries are my responsibility.  Others are preoccupied with their own lives and are not concerned with my boundaries.  So often I get frustrated at the fifth or sixth person to come to my gate in a morning.  But they have no idea what I am occupied with.  From their perspective, they are one person seeking a little time and a little help.  When I live without boundaries, I continue to pour out of an empty bucket, sucking dry another bucket (love for my family, for example), and I become less useful in many areas because I overspent in one.  I'm learning again that lack of boundaries will steal my joy, kill my passion, and leave me without love to give, especially to those that mean the most to me.

I have been too available and said, "no" too infrequently in these last few months and am learning again the valuable lesson of having healthy boundaries.  I have decided to, for the most part, say, "no" to helping people medically who live in town.  I have been seeing between ten and thirty people each day out of our home.  There are doctors here and, though each of my encounters involves ministry (praying for each person and discussing with each Jesus' love for them), if I don't say "no" to this part of my current ministry, I won't finish the race.  When I used to run marathons, I always preferred to run a bit slower and finish the race rather than push too hard too early, increasing the risk of not finishing.  I have the same sense here.  I am more useful out on the rivers from both a medical and a ministry perspective and when I am home, I need to see to my relationships with my kids and Bets.  I can also have more time to mentor the young men in our church, which will bear more long-term fruit than medical consults.  I am currently mentoring about ten men and enjoying this thoroughly.  I don't want to take any resources from this account to deal with medical concerns within the city.

Boundaries.  Time and limited resources (humanness) make them necessary.  What areas need reexamined in your life today from the perspective of having healthy boundaries?  Let's together take another look at our vision (our calling, our purpose) and see if we are devoting our primary time and energy to this, or is the lack of boundaries causing us to have little left to devote to what is most important to us?

Random Reminders:

In this world you will see and receive little grace (unearned favor), therefore extend grace.

Most of us would never think of building a boat and journeying to Brazil without instructions or experience, yet early in adolescence, marriage, and parenting we begin journeys infinitely more complex and yet think that we need neither instruction nor experience to journey well.

One who is humble is always learning.  One who is proud never grows.

Today is greatly affected by yesterday and will significantly impact tomorrow.  Focus on today.

Wherever you are, be all there.        Dennis Stranges

The things of this world (success, esteem, security, pleasure, etc) are quite enticing and seek our heart. To seek them is to search for a purported great treasure that, when found, is a beautiful, empty chest.

One who follows “the crowd” loses his identity.

Our character is revealed not in how we feel about something, but rather in how we respond.

A kind word brings light and warmth to one whose day may be dark and cold.

Those who know God desperately want to know Him.

Conflict is not unhealthy.  Your response to it may be.

We just returned from a week on the rivers with a team from Grant's Pass, Oregon.  This team came with one primary motive: to show the people living on the rivers that they are loved and valued in their hearts and in the heart of their Father.

I have not encountered yet a team that came so prepared to serve.  Their leader, Midge, has been coming yearly to this region for 15 years and her passion for these people was demonstrated not only in her enthusiastic presence but also in her and her team's remarkable preparation.  Her church collects items to bring (eyeglasses, clothes, medicine, toys, etc) throughout the year and their many crates were organized and labeled for easy access.  At each village that we visited, while I did a medical clinic with a great deal of support and help praying for each person, the team "worked" and played with the kids. These kids just loved it.  What memories were created!  This team poured themselves into every activity and every moment.  They passionately worshipped,  passionately played, passionately taught, passionately served, passionately encouraged, and passionately demonstrated love.  I'm reminded through these guys that work done with excellence and passion is so honoring to the one being served.  Whether we are a doctor, nurse, pastor, receptionist, laborer, etc, God can use us greatly to love and honor people by the manner in which we work.

This team's passion for Jesus and for blessing Him through blessing others greatly encouraged me.  At times I question the value of what I'm doing here and after spending a week with these guys, I more clearly see the value in serving these people living in the interior.  At least three members of this team are considering full-time missionary work overseas.  It's always uplifting  and encouraging to converse with others who are walking a similar path to what I've walked.  The same questions, insecurities, joys, and challenges.  I'm reminded that I'm not the only fool around!

I was at a place of discouragement and maybe depression when this team arrived.  Perhaps, I was a little worn out.  This can be difficult work in a difficult, wearing environment and the fruit of our labor is often not immediately apparent.  Our good friends are on furlough, it is very hot, I've been away from home a lot, etc, etc.  As this team leaves, however, I find myself at a different place on that deeper, motivational level.  I'm grateful for the change, grateful for a lighter burden on the inside, and grateful to my Father that He knows where I am and walks with me through it all.