It's a human condition, it's a church condition, and it deals with truth and lies, errant expectation, and deception.  We expect something to be so and it's otherwise.  It occurs both in poorer cultures and richer cultures and is centered on the things of this world.  It contributes to the depression we see today in numbers the world has never seen.  Jesus spoke to this human condition by revealing to us how we should focus our hearts.  He taught that we were made to find our joy in Him, not in the things of this world.  Have you experienced the expectation of joy from something in this world and been left wanting?  I can't count the number of times!  Maybe it's just my problem?!  Jesus' focus on what would fill Him was beyond this earthly existence, on His relationship with his Father.  He encourages us to focus similarly.

But on what does today's church focus?  What do we expect from this life (as a "Christian")and what do we teach that one is to expect?  The early church grew like wildfire while experiencing absolutely no earthly gain in following Jesus.  The early church is an incredibly fascinating study of contradiction in human nature. By all accounts, many died for their faith and this was the reasonable expectation for following Jesus.  Many, many others received beatings, rejection from loved ones, mockery, imprisonment, loss of employment, starvation, etc.  They were all "fools", believing in a god that they couldn't see and who was so "powerless" that he couldn't prevent the above.  This is what Paul referred to when He said that the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing but power to those who believe.  Power resulting from a changed focus, one beyond this temporal existence to a heavenly Kingdom and a heavenly Father, now unseen.  There was little disillusionment in those early Jesus lovers.  Their focus was Jesus' focus, and not on the things of this life.  They could see that His message centered on a kingdom not of this world and they wanted to be a part of it, regardless of the consequences in this life.  Their expectation of reward was the inner joy of a relationship with their Father and the "after" of this life.  Their Master, their Savior, their God lived an abbreviated life, was beaten, stoned, laughed at, mocked, imprisoned, crucified, and murdered... and they expected no less, with joy.  Why?  Because of where they placed their focus and because they had realistic expectations from this life.

These saints are likely quite embarrassed by the health and wealth "gospel" that is being preached today in the U.S. and in Brazil, one that disillusions many.  It teaches that Jesus' followers should expect happiness, health without illness, and material prosperity. If you are not experiencing these things, you can go to Jesus because His priority is that you experience the "abundant life" (this being defined, of course, as abundant earthly "blessing").  These preachers have no sense of historical reality and are superficially blinded by the comforts they experience in the modern western world which has not been experienced by 99.99999% of all those who have lived since the garden.  This gospel sadly puts the focus of Jesus' kingdom on this life, where He never put it.  "My kingdom is not of this world"? 

This is the disillusionment that we face in this Amazon culture, mainly because of these preachers and television, which portrays nonreality as quite real.  Everyone here has a T.V. and they watch it often, and they watch and listen to these preachers.  I would love one of these health and wealth preachers to explain to me what "biblical" prosperity is to a woman born in the bush, who carts water home from the contaminated river, doesn't read, battles mosquitoes, malaria, stingrays, snakes and hunger daily, loses her first two children to diarrhea, and whose furniture consists of a tree branch stacked on a chopped stump.  This is, of course, how ALL people had lived up to about 200 years ago and how the majority of people in the world still live!  I have seen, however, a woman such as this find joy in the love and forgiveness of her Father and the assurance of life forever in the Kingdom of God (a joy that was not accompanied by ANY earthly gain or prosperity).

But the "health and wealth" message of these "preachers" is heard in the jungles of the Amazon rain forest.  "Jesus" either represents a god who promises health, wealth, and happiness (like that on T.V.) or a religious slot machine where if you put in good works, money, church attendance, sacraments, etc, good things will happen to you.  Of course, this type of thinking is not isolated to this culture.  How long has it been since you read, "If you forward this to ten people..."

Disillusionment is a human condition and having unrealistic expectations is a temptation faced by children, parents, couples, employers, employees, etc.  We are encouraged to "dream" and to develop desires and expectations.  I have yet, however, to meet the person whose reality actually matched their dreams.  Our preconceived ideas about reality are consistently errant and the sooner we realize this the healthier we will be.  Preconceived ideas about God are many and need dealt with, as well.  How do we do this?  One effective tool in this regard is humility.  Humility is such a beautiful characteristic in a pursuer of God and truth and one that is typically accompanied by lower, realistic expectations.  If we are honest, we are all still learning.  None of us have arrived, though many portray that they have it all together.  This is why an open-minded study of God's word (his self-revealing letters to us) and open conversation with Him and other seekers are so very important.  We need to always be learning.  The God that so loves us will lead us as we allow Him.  Along the way, our perception of God will change with time and increased intimacy as my perception of Bets (my wife) has changed with deeper intimacy and time.

We are constantly challenged in our work here to not be critical of false views of our Father but to love, love, love and instruct, while not being disillusioned ourselves.  Errant views (and unrealistic expectations) of God, life, people, and self abound and we are to pursue truth while loving those who have a different view.  Grace is still God's primary tool for reconciling people to Himself.  We are called to shrewdly recognize errant beliefs but to graciously love those who hold them, treating them just as we would like to be treated.  We've all been there!

Disillusionment and unrealistic expectations kill joy and prevent a heart of gratitude.  A thankful heart with a realistic view of this life and sustained hope for the next will create a healthy perspective and provide the joy that we so desperately long for, whether we live in a jungle or in a U.S. suburb.

Random thoughts:

1) Banana trees are abundant in the Amazon.  To seek bananas in the woods of Ohio is silly.  To pick and enjoy a fruit, one must search for the tree that produces that particular fruit, where it grows.  Happiness is the fruit of healthy relationships and work well done.  Both "grow" in regions that take significant effort to access.

2) To seek one's value in the praise of men is to seek nourishment from chocolate.

3) Physical exercise benefits the mind as much as it does the body.

4) To hear God's voice takes practice and effort.  Anything of value requires the same.

5) More resources (money, connections, knowledge, etc) require more decisions.

6) The opposite of intolerance is not tolerance, but love.        Josh McDowell

7) Religion promises God and delivers self.

8) To seek love and fulfillment outside of God is to dig wells where there is no water. Danny Meyer

9) Grace and mercy, purely given or received, are miracles of healing on the level of giving sight to the blind.

10) A self-worshipping man transformed and worshipping Jesus is a far greater miracle than a paralytic walking, yet which would more excite most "Christians"?

11) Success in God's kingdom is not about results or achievement.  Success is walking humbly as a son/daughter, with an ear to what the Father is saying, and obeying.

Are you doing this "good thing" for his or her benefit or are you doing it to feel good about yourself?  This is an important question for any missionary and continually comes up in day to day interactions.  One must, of course, take into account a quote by C.S. Lewis, "I've never had an unselfish thought."  But what is our primary motivation?  So many people work hard, doing good things, for the end result of feeling good about their contribution.  This is religion and this is NOT the Kingdom of God.  Jesus addressed this concept frequently, especially with the religious leaders of the region.  These were upright people, model citizens, those whose lives were characterized by good works.  But their motive was self.  It is so fascinating that the same work, however significant, can be done with selfless or selfish motives.  As a missionary, I can serve all day.  I can serve with care and concern for the other person or I can serve to feel good about the fact that I am serving. 

The difference is love.  The word often used to describe Jesus' motivation was compassion.  Am I focused on their benefit?  Am I submitted to what the King desires or simply to what I want to do in a particular situation.  The difference between religion and the Kingdom is this submission to the King, this listening to what He desires, yielding one's  desires to His, and obeying His command or request.  The emphasis in the Kingdom is submitting, listening, yielding, and THEN doing.  Religion will get it wrong in one of several ways.  The emphasis will be on 1) learning rather than listening (Bible studies, conferences, books, etc), 2) hearing and learning without doing, and 3) doing without listening.  I'm quite familiar with all of these, as I'm sure you are, as well.  The issue is dependence (the Kingdom) vs independence (religion).  When Jesus speaks to those who highlight all that they did for the Kingdom, what will be His response?  "I never knew you."  All was done independently of the Father.  Religion. 

Living in South America is a striking example of how the broad road will be full of who we consider very "good" and very "nice" people.  There are so many beautiful people here (both in the towns and out on the rivers) who see no need to live in submission to God.  They believe in His existence and believe that being a good, kind person is important.  But many in that day will point to all their "goodness", and He will simply point out that there was no relationship, no submission, no humility before God.  There will be presidents, kings, doctors, river people from the Amazon, untouchables from India, lawyers, priests, missionaries, pastors, teachers, social workers, etc.  There will be those who won Nobel prizes for their contribution to humanity, environmentalists, liberals, and conservatives, all very "good" people.  But who saw relationship with God as unnecessary, a crutch, too difficult.  They will be given their heart's desire - an eternity of independence without the presence of God (and without all things good, since all good things come from Him).  The Bible is clear that there will be an eternal place with God's presence and a place without God's presence, each place chosen by the respective inhabitants by their choice of living in submission to God or independently of Him. 

We can learn much about God and do many good works, both without relationship with a God who cherishes us deeply and made us for one purpose - relationship with Him.  How is your relationship with this loving God today? 

Isolated thoughts:

1) Maturity is measured not in years but in wisdom.

2) Wisdom is demonstrated in the making of sound decisions.

3) Because we all so often err, perhaps the most valuable genuine words of any relationship are, "I'm sorry".

4) Decisions made for short-term benefit will increase long-term liability.  Decisions made for long-term benefit will  require short-term cost.

5) Spiritual and emotional wounds often contribute to physical ailments.

6) How you say something communicates more than your words.

7) Success is more about how you journey than about the destination.

8) Balance your time and effort between your tasks and relationships.

9) To hear truth and not apply it is to carry water in a cracked bucket.

10) You are injured and must travel for medical help through a dangerous swamp that contains many pockets of quicksand as well as insects, reptiles, and other creatures that can further harm you. You may choose a guide. Your choices are as follows: a) one newly arrived and well studied who has had many classes in swamp survival, b) one young, beautiful, well-spoken, and fun to be around, c) one who has led many to the other side safely, d) one without experience but enthusiastic and confident in his ability to lead and who guarantees your safe passage, e) one who is quite convincing that the dangers are exaggerated and that the crossing requires little thought or preparation, and f) none; you are confident in your knowledge and abilities and do not need a guide. Which are you choosing in this, your life's journey?

About a year ago, "Eduardo" sought help from Elba, our Vineyard pastor in Altamira.  Eduardo was thirty years old, he was pastoring a small home church and he had worked for years in remote areas of the rain forest with New Tribes Ministry.  I sat down with Eduardo, his wife, and Elba and listened to his story.

Over the past several years, he had experienced extreme bouts of debilitating anxiety which begin suddenly, last from minutes to hours, occur almost daily and are completely unpredictable as to possible triggers.  Often, he is awakened at night with the same.  He also experienced general anxiety about the possible occurrence of these "attacks".  He couldn't understand these attacks and didn't know what was happening to him.  He understood completely that these "crises" were irrational as he could easily reason within himself that there was absolutely nothing to be upset about.  With the attacks of anxiety, he would experience chest pain, difficulty breathing, sweating, and an overwhelming need to flee the situation.  He expressed embarrassment over his symptoms because he believed that as a Christian he shouldn't experience anxiety, especially as a pastor.

As Eduardo shared, it was easy to see his brokenness, his humility, and his desire to be well.  I was able to share with him my own past experience with battling something very similar for many years.  I was able to share with him my Christian world-view, knowing that it is a bit different than the world view of many Christians.  I explained to Eduardo that, in my opinion, our walk with Jesus is a battle, and facing strange circumstances and various enemies are a normal part of war, as is frustration, confusion, fear, and being pressed to your limit.  I shared with him that God allows those who are His to be broken and stripped of those things that interfere with simple trust in Him.  The stripping hurts but He strips us of those things that push us away from Life.  God knows that our appreciating His love for us is more important than any earthly thing and our affection for earthly comfort, security, and esteem needs to be torn from us, in order that we would hear and see His expressions of love, without all the distraction that these earthly things provide.

I emphasized to Eduardo that this world has too many pastors (and Christians) passing on information (teaching) and that God's Kingdom needs more pastors intimately familiar with pain and brokenness because broken people know how to love.  We need to love those in pain more than we need to know or teach more of the Bible.  Hurting people can be better comforted by those who have hurt and can be empathetic.  We effectively and compassionately comfort when we've suffered and have been comforted.  I encouraged him that he would now be more used to impact hurting people (all people are "hurting people", some realize it!) because of the pain he's faced in the past few years.  In short, he will be a better pastor because he's known pain, grief, confusion, sadness, desperation, anger, etc.  He had been taken through the "Valley of Humiliation" by his loving Father, and he was now more prepared to be poured out and spent in service to His King.

When I was in my third year of Medical School, I went to the home of my mentor, Dr McCarty, a beautiful man that I had shadowed for eight weeks.  I told him that I was quitting medical school because I couldn't face another humiliating day of anxiety attacks.  They had now plagued me daily for about four years and I was finished.  I could take no more.  He gently listened and said that I shouldn't quit and that he would help me through these attacks.  He also said that my humiliating and frustrating battle with these attacks would make me a better physician because I would better relate to hurting people.  The thing that caused me to want to quit was the very thing that God was using to make me a better servant. 

I shared all this with this man who was at the same place that I had been 25 years ago.  It was nice to see God use my painful personal experience for someone else's benefit.  He was broken and in a place to receive.  We prayed together and took it all to our Father.  He received my counsel, took it to heart, began taking a recommended medicine. 

One year later he is such a different picture.  All attacks stopped within weeks, he sleeps well, exercises regularly, and pastors with a whole new perspective on suffering, God's sovereignty and caring for those hurting.  He shared his whole experience with me this week over some lemonade at his house.  What a joy to see the resolution of symptoms but even more the transformation of his heart.  He shared that he used to see his primary pastoral role as teacher and now he sees his primary role as care-er, first loving those hurting, and then teaching.  His church is growing and has been adopted in as our fifth Vineyard Church in Altamira.  I look forward to see how God will spend this man in coming years.

Further thoughts:

We are not called to teach, evangelize, disciple, heal, build, counsel, etc.  We are called to love, and while loving, God will direct us as to how we can best serve those that we are loving.

Conflict, difficulty and pain are not expected at a party.  All are, however, certain in war.  In the “abundant life”, are we to expect a party or a war?

Why, within the church, do we esteem success, charisma, and confidence when the Head of the church honors and delights in humility?

God is interested in developing much more in us than ease and prosperity would provide.

God prefers to use broken, screwed up people.